Does love fade when one fails to meet the need of the other? Does it die? Will you salvage love by fulfilling that need? Does love weaken as the need increases? Or does the need increase as love fades?
I watched a movie entitled ‘milan’ where the young lady asked, Do you love me bec. you need me? or do you need me bec. you love me?
Which is which?
My mind’s so tangled up.
I haven’t been to church for almost a year now. Before I left the
Philippines , I used to attend mass every Sunday at the Edsa Shrine waiting for my favourite priest (Fr. Soc) to preside. This holy week I feel at a lost for spiritual fellowship. My hunger for spiritual refreshment reflects my performance, my mood and my vision. I miss my family and everything in the
Philippines.
I miss attending mass every Sunday and going to Robinson’s afterwards. Hhehehe!
I miss my gimmicks at home, the egg hunting or my special ‘pa-effect’ to celebrate Easter Sunday with my ‘pamangkins’
I miss the waiting for the parade of senaculos which when I was young scared me a lot.
I miss the sound of the loud speakers relaying the irritating melody? of the ‘pabasa’. In which my ‘nanay’ often participates. Unlucky me! Lol
I miss the holy week specials of tv stations. Meron pa ba sila tito, vic and joey?
I miss the seventh heaven marathon.
I miss waiting in front of our house watching the hiking participants (mostly teenagers) trek their way to
Antipolo Church .
I miss the lumpiang sariwa ni nanay (since we can’t eat meat). She makes the best lumpiang sariwa ever.
I miss being bored with my family at home since there’s nothing to watch on the tv, nowhere to go to and there’s this implied ‘masamang magsaya’ atmosphere. I didn’t get this when I was young but its purpose is to have time to reflect and pray.
By the way, is there still anyone (dyan sa pinas) who believes that taking a bath after 12nn is masama?
This notion brought me a lot of discomfort when I was young and made me think of things like blood coming out of the faucet….haaaaa! praning!!
Thinking of those things brought me back from where I came from (for a while) but not changed the fact that I’m here…thinking….thinking…thinking…I should do things while I’m here. Start my tradition. I’ll take a long walk today and think about it. This Holy Friday, I won’t be opening the computer or play the ps2 and I’ll have no-meat meals as an act of penance.
‘Look a bear in the sky, no a tiger….now it looks like a duck!’ When i was younger (am still young but older), i used to watch the clouds as it transform itself into whatever my imagination sees. My playmates and i used to lie on the grass after exhausting ourselves playing touching the robber, ‘tagu-taguan’ or mataya-taya…etc. and we used to watch the clouds. We even made a game out of it. We’ll take turns in naming/finding an object/form we see and then the first one who sees it is the winner. That was fun! (That was the time where i call a mountain, bundok in tagalog, a ‘mundok’…lol) At night, my sister, a cousin and i used to sit on the roof (remember the folding chairs? the ones with colorful stripes? very portable) during a clear sky and watch the stars. Now, i still love the sky, the sunrises and sunsets. I still gaze upon it, still find myself lying on the grass looking at the clouds and i’m thinking of buying binoculars to watch the stars without climbing the roof but it’s just not the same anymore. Have i changed or the circumstance changed? Today, looking out the window, the sky looks inviting making me wonder where are those people who used to sky watch with me? What are they doing? Have they ever thought of what i’m thinking right now? Probably not. What if i invite them to sky watch with me? nah, i’ll just sound insane. Hmmmm…but i wanna do that….maybe i will but not today. It’ll have to wait until summer comes. I may make that a tradition. It’ll be nice.
Brrr! It’s already half-way March and here i am as usual in front of my computer checking my mails (which by the way is getting less and less entries) before having breakfast on my day off. My day off! Whew! That’s not often, i usually get one to two free days. For some of you i know that’s the normal day off but not me….i need more. How will i get time to do all the things i really really wanna do? One day just isn’t enough, that’s just for surfing the net. Where will i get the time to wash my clothes and my one-week piled up dishes. Luckily, i have a housemate…still snoring at this time but she’ll surely cover the dishes or if i’m not lucky, we may do it together.
Let me see, today, my agenda is to surrender our car plate (which contains the plate number…lol. i may have to discuss this matter some other day), get my Philippine driver’s license which reminds me of going home….yipee, change my bank because my existing bank won’t give me a car loan and to think i’ve been trying for two years now, then ‘the house’ this for me, is huge work! Vacuuming one week of cast off human dead cells (does that include my hair?) and washing dishes and laundry. So, you think you can squeeze that in one day? That’s not actually it, i have hobbies and as most hobbies are, they require time and attention. My latest hobby is taking pictures and of course the all-time hobby of book reading (oops don’t mistake that phrase that I have read so many books). Ok, I may have to rephrase that, it’s that hobby of starting reading a book and almost never ever reaching the end of it. As of this day, I have started reading 3 books…maybe I should stop reading books with more than 100 pages or maybe I should write the authors to include ads or small articles and gossips in their books. Wouldn’t that be great? It’s just like reading a magazine.
I always anticipate my day off and every night before that, i always plan what i’ll be doing the next day and most of the time i end up just sitting in front of the computer. It’ll be that way today if I don’t end this non-sense article. I am contemplating on a 3-day sick leave (my throat, eyes, nose and ears are itchy…reason enough?), so I may have plenty of time afterall.
This is the result of restlessness and the strong urge to experiment. The hunger for interaction (mainly of senses). My following posts will be an assortment of my interests, questions, discussions,…etc. Whatever comes to my mind…If you feel like reacting, do so. I am officially welcoming you to MINDFLOOD. Bring your paddles!
